i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
