he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
