wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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