The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
