Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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