Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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