my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
