dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
