I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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