Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
