Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
