Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
