Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
