i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
