WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
