u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
