i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
