So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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