if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
