I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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