I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
