you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
