i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
there is glitter all over my balls
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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