you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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