He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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