these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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