Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
