I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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