Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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