I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
