im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
