I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
