I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
