sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
