just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
