Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
