This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
