He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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