im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
