I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
