nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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