there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
