bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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