which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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