the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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