Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
