He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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