OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
