i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
