I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
