I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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