she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
