I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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