remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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