were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone shattered a urinal.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
