I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
