The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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