i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
