Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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